Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
