Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
