I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
