Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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