woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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