If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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