i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
