whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
please come you make the beer taste better
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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