the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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