You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
