Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
