Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
