i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
