sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
