He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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