I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
