Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Randomize
