Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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