I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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