WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
