I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
