I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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