I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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