Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
