Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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