are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
