I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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