we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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