i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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