i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I AM VODKA MAN
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
