He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
