great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
