I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
