I need help removing her.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
