he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
