Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
