Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
