I'm going to jail i love you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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