I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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