I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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