Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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