It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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