And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
