i just wanna soil my oats bro
Can Purell be used as lube?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
