either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
