i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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