you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
