so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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