I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
