id be glad to
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
