There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
