My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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